


head first, fearless

by seikou



Series: if you love me right (we fuck for life) [5]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Confessions, Dorks in Love, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, Romance, and them resolving all problems, lapslock, this is just fluff tbh, well. part of their probs lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seikou/pseuds/seikou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"he wants to say 'what the fuck are you talking about? we’re working out, don’t you see?' and lastly, 'i’m finally falling.'"</p>
            </blockquote>





	head first, fearless

it is a very curious thing, attraction that is. jaebum thinks someone up there hates him. he’s probably pissed off some god in his past life because he doesn’t think he deserves a door slammed to his face when he’s experienced a horrible snow storm a while ago.

okay, maybe. a little, he does, yeah.

a sigh escapes his lips and he runs a hand through his wet hair, grimacing at the feeling of gel on his fingers. he wipes his hand on the back of his jeans, releases another sigh and breathes in to somehow silence his fast beating heart. it feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest. he’s already a mess after seeing jackson’s expression turning from curiosity to horrified to pissed in a matter of seconds.

he calms down. breathe in, breathe out. okay, he’s calm. he can do this. for-- for whatever this blooming feeling in his chest is.

jaebum raises his hand, poised to knock again when the door opens and jackson is there, looking sheepish. the blonde’s previous expression is gone and he’s just-- indifferent, blinking at jaebum, confusion clear on his dark eyes.

jaebum clears his throat. “hi,” he says and he’s so eloquent he’s ready to bash his head against the wall.

jackson continues to stare at him for a few seconds before his lips tugs into a smile; warm and familiar and jaebum’s breath stutters on its way out.

“hi,” jackson replies, bouncing back and forth on his heels. he’s wearing a huge black knitted sweater that makes him look small and jaebum thinks he’s damn  _ cute _ . “what are you doing here, jaebum-ssi?”

_ jaebum-ssi? _ the older furrows his brows because as he remembers, jackson has never called him that little span of time they were together.

jaebum brushes it off, ignores the cold crawling up his spine and thinks of all the lines he’s memorized, prepared for this question like the paranoid guy that he is. but the words flies from him, like the sight of jackson is enough to completely wipe his mind out of sanity. ridiculous.

another clear of his throat with his heart throbbing against his chest wildly, he addresses the other. “i’m here to apologize?” that sounds like a question, he thinks and repeats it again with more conviction. “i’m here to apologize.”

jackson bites at his lower lip, red as always and jaebum’s eyes narrows at the action because he remembers tasting those lips. he remember’s ravishing those plump red lips, biting and making moans escape--

“apologize for?” jackson keeps on swaying back and forth, a hand holding the doorknob.

jaebum feels kind of unwelcome which is not surprising. he won’t welcome an asshole like him either. huh.

he forces himself to say the words before he can swallow them back down and say something shitty instead. “apologize for how i acted a few days ago. i’m just--” he pauses, brows furrowing. “overwhelmed, i guess. seems like i came to like you in that short amount of time.” he confesses, shifting on his feet.

silence follows and jaebum worries if he said something weird. like maybe jackson won’t like him back. wait, why didn’t he think of that? like  _ hey, maybe jackson thinks it’s only a one-night stand and that spark between you two? yeah, that was just static from heat or something. _

his internal monologue is cut when jackson lets out some noise that suspiciously sounds like a combination of a snort and a groan. he looks at the blonde, a brow cocked in question.

“really now?” jackson retorts and closes that short distance between him and jaebum. “are you serious, im jaebum?” this time jackson’s voice is calm; serious and full of hope.

jaebum narrows his eyes at the blonde and nods, lips twisting into a small smile. “do i look like i’m joking, jackson?” he retaliates, stepping closer, a hairs breadth away from the blonde’s face.

in reply, jackson rolls his eyes but he’s solemn, like he’s thinking deeply while trying to make their conversation casual. jaebum wonders why.

“i don’t know, man.” jackson sighs, taking a step back from jaebum and he almost reaches out to grab jackson’s hand, wanting the blonde close to him.  _ closer _ . “i sat there on the café, drinking my tea peacefully and then you just-- ran away. technically, i did but you know what i mean?” the blonde sounds exasperated and he’s gesturing with his hands wildly. jaebum watches him with rapt attention.

“i’m sorry.” jaebum offers and he knows it’s not enough when jackson scoffs. jaebum deserves that.

“no, seriously.” jackson starts and right now, he’s like a firecracker. fierce, wild, full of energy. “i’ve been like  _ in love _ with you for, what, a century? no, scratch that. that’s understatement of the year. and you just brushed me off like i was nothing and i don’t know, maybe i’m just sensitive? i mean, it’s just one-night stand.  _ no big deal, bro _ . but it was for me, you know? and i honestly felt like there was something  _ there _ and i’m so frustrated right now, jaebum!” jackson cries, hands covering his face as he tilts his head back. the tips of his ears are red and further inspection shows that his pale neck is too. jaebum finds it cute.  _ adorable _ .

he stands there, watching jackson heave a huge breath, rubbing at his face. he’s making some weird noises, like those ones that youngjae calls  _ dying whale noises _ . somehow, jaebum finds it endearing. he smiles, stuffing his hands deeper into his pocket.

honestly, he doesn’t know what to say. and backtracking, he recalls jackson saying  _ i’ve been like  _ in love _ with you for, what, a century? _ and jaebum thinks that’s weird. they just met.  _ they just met _ and he should feel creeped out because this isn’t some korean drama. however, he only feels warmth spreading on his chest at the reminder that jackson does, indeed, like him. following that is the feeling of guilt because he now understands why jackson looks so broken there, in the café, when he dismisses him like some casual fuck.  _ shit _ .

he opens his mouth,  _ i’m sorry _ on the tip of his tongue but jackson finally drops his hands and looks at jaebum with intense eyes. the same ones he saw in that party and he only realizes now that they’re  _ longing _ and  _ adoration _ bleeding into one emotion in the blonde’s eyes. it’s a look that makes jaebum forget how to breathe.

he swallows. “are you quite done yet?” the words escapes his mouth and  _ oh shit _ follows when jackson glares at him.

“am i quite--” jackson sputters. “what the actual  _ fuck? _ yeah, okay. no, we’re done here. you know what? i’ll get over you and your phenomenal dick and your annoying handsome face because your personality?  _ shitty _ .” jackson rants once again. “fuck you and your attractive moles, jaebum!” the blonde shouts and jaebum can hear doors opening in the once quiet hallway.

jackson backs away, ready to slam the door on jaebum’s  _ annoying handsome face _ again but before he can, jaebum catches his wrist, pushes them inside jackson’s room and slams the blonde against the closed door.

“jackson.” jaebum breathes, hands resting on the blonde’s shoulders to keep him in place. jackson’s squirming stops and he watches jaebum watch him. they stare at each other and jaebum smiles and jackson blushes and attraction is a very curious thing.

the sliver of skin that his fingers is hovering over is warm under his touch and the proximity of jackson, this close to him, does some weird shit inside him, his mind closing in on the fact that jackson is  _ close _ and  _ near _ and  _ here _ .

jaebum takes a moment to collect his thoughts before he leans close to jackson.

“hey. i’m sorry, okay?” he whispers. “i didn’t know.” he shakes his head when jackson opens his mouth to bite back at him, wanting these words out of him in one go. “i’ve known you for how long? one and a half day, not counting the days we spent in silence. but you’re always on my mind and your face keeps popping in my head while i try to edit some video for a project. i’m not sure if i’ll ever catch up to your feelings but i can  _ try _ , jackson. i know attraction when it slaps me in the face and with you, i feel like it’s more than that and i was-- scared.” he tilts his head and jackson copies his move, puppy eyes glued to his face. “your sunshine smile practically blinds me but i’m willing to try, you get me?”

jaebum leans his forehead against jackson’s and mutters, “jackson, you might be the only one in love now. but who’s to say i won’t love you back in the future?”

 

☂☀☂

 

he finds out about it in the most awkward way possible.

“ah, yes. harder.”

“shut up. i’m being careful. you’re so wound up.”

jaebum stops in the hallway and blinks at jinyoung who looks at him with laughter in his eyes.

that moan-- sounds familiar. in fact, he’s still recovering from hearing it last night. why the  _ hell _ is jackson moaning in jinyoung’s living room? he looks at the said person with a funny expression. he can’t quite settle if he’s aroused or betrayed from hearing that sinful voice, so he shakes his head and walks further inside.

he’s supposed to hangout with his friends today after ignoring them for how many weeks and with jackson on the picture, the time he spends with them gradually lessens. he feels kind of bad for always saying no to hanging out, opting instead to study, practice, and call jackson for movie nights in his apartment.

now he’s got the time to hang out with them, supposedly, sans jackson. but apparently not because the scene in front of him is unexpected.

“mark, what the hell? why did you stop? continue the massage, please.” jackson whines, flapping his arms on the arm of the couch.

mark tilts his head at jaebum, shifting on his perch on jackson’s ass. he snickers at the look jaebum gives him before tapping jackson on the shoulder. “your loverboy is here.”

jackson immediately sits up, making mark tumble on the floor which is by the way, funny. he laughs at mark’s startled yelp -  _ serves him right  _ \- and trains his eyes on jackson, ignoring jinyoung fussing about mark. he smirks, cocking an eyebrow.

“what are you doing moaning under mark, jackson?” more specifically,  _ what are  _ you _ doing here? _ his tone suggests the unspoken question.

jackson smiles widely at him; that bright smile of his that makes jaebum squint, like he’s doing right now.

“what? you don’t know? mark’s my broe from another hoe.” jackson replies.

jaebum stares before moving and shoving jinyoung out of the way as he settles on the couch beside jackson. “you’re friends?” he asks, brows furrowing.

jackson hums, nodding, smile still plastered on his face. “best friends.” he corrects, clicking his tongue at jaebum.

and that’s how he finds out that jackson has been officially part of his circle of friends for a  _ long time _ and how haven’t he met jackson before? in which mark replies with  _ you have. don’t you remember? _ and he  _ doesn’t _ so he doesn’t reply and jackson sits quietly beside him as they watch a movie and munch on popcorn.

☂☀☂

 

the thing with feelings is, they don’t just appear and develop in a day. it takes time to grow like a plant; it needs sunlight, water,  _ care _ . jaebum knows this. he does and he’s trying. hard.

however, it is hard when jackson eyes him like he’s going to bolt out of whichever place they decide to hang-out in. like he’ll suddenly say something in the lines of  _ i’m out, jackson. goodbye _ or  _ sorry, man but no homo _ or the ever unforgettable  _ i need to go _ that he somehow still can’t forget.

jaebum feels insulted in how jackson lacks trust in him and sometimes he snaps because they’re opposites and it’s not all the time that opposites  _ attract _ . sometimes they repel each other just like magnets do but jaebum is a fighter. and he trudges on carefully even after a few weeks of them ‘hanging out’ as jackson calls it. whatever.

“what the hell?” jaebum grumbles, glare trained on jackson.

they’re in his apartment, about to binge-watch some show jackson has recommended when jackson blurts out  _ “let’s stop meeting” _ and now they’re sitting stiffly, the tension in the air palpable.

jackson is biting his lower lip and his eyes shine with uncertainty and insecurity. “it’s not working.” jackson says. “we’re not working. see, we fight all the time and what’s the point? you’re busy, i’m busy. we’re scraping all these little time to hang-out and make  _ this _ work.” he finishes as his hand gestures in between them.

jaebum breathes in to calm himself, chest suddenly feeling tight and throat unwilling to work. he exhales then purses his lips.

“these little time?” jaebum repeats because he can’t seem to wrap his mind around what jackson just said.

he wants to say  _ what the fuck are you talking about? we’re working out, don’t you see? _ and lastly,  _ i’m finally falling _ . he swallows and watches jackson fidget, turning his snapback round and round on his hand. jaebum follows every move instead of saying what he wants to say, feeling like if the words escapes his mouth, he’ll never have a way out. he doesn’t want to feel trapped.

he feels like it anyways.

a moment passes, the silence deafening. jackson fidgets more, avoiding jaebum’s eyes. the blonde sighs, peeking at jaebum and lets out a huff.

“yeah.” jackson answers, voice quiet. “we’re really not working. it’s impossible.” he sounds like he’s convincing himself instead of jaebum. he sounds like he’s choking on the words instead of feeling relief. he sounds like he’s going to run and cry in a corner in the next few seconds.

jaebum grabs jackson’s hands, letting the snapback fall to the floor. he grips the hands tightly, almost bruising and he knows it hurts when jackson winces but doesn’t snatch his hands away. instead, the blonde grips back just as tight.

“are you sure about that?” jaebum asks, keeping his eyes on jackson’s own dark ones. “you don’t sound like you believe your own words, jackson.” he scoots closer and this time he intertwines their hands, not wanting to let go. never want to let go of  _ jackson _ .

jackson, for his part, does some weird movement with his head; part a shake as a no and part a nod as a yes and somehow he fucks it up by looking like he’s rolling his head, possessed by some spirit. jaebum bites his lower lip to prevent himself from chuckling because that’s  _ adorably funny _ .

“no. i mean, yes.” jackson sighs. “i don’t know.” he looks down at their hands, tips of his fingers putting light pressure on jaebum’s knuckles.

“what are you afraid of, jackson?” jaebum asks, searching the blonde’s eyes. because this is fear, he deducts. jaebum has been there, done that and he’s still trying to make it right. he knows fear and doubt wipes away all the things that’s precious to you like a curse.

jackson shuffles and shrugs, chewing on his lips again before voicing what he’s thinking. “i’m afraid of fucking us up, okay? i’ve known you for  _ so long _ , jaebum. loved you for the same amount. and you’ve only known me for what, a month? give or take a few days. and i’m always afraid that you’re a dream. being in love with you, like this, exhausts my heart.” jackson looks away then chuckles humorlessly. “but i’m happy too, you know? i pretty like this dream because you acknowledge me instead of ignoring my presence.” jaebum wants to say  _ that was once. never happening again _ but jackson carries on, lost in his thoughts.

“whenever i pinch myself to wake myself up, somehow, you’re still there and you’re here and i’m so happy. this happiness is  _ scary _ but you’re worth it. always. i’m just, scared.”

actually, jaebum knows the feeling. he’s never felt this serious before. jackson makes him want to take everything seriously; like how when jackson is nervous, he bites his lower lip again and again until they’re blood red. like how when he wants to say something, jackson moves around until he’s able say the words wanting to escape his mouth. like how when jackson is excited, he straddles the person closest to him. and like how when jackson is here, right now, jaebum’s heart feels so full and content and warm.

he feels so damn serious and even when he’s trudging in this relationship with blind eyes, not knowing anything about  _ actual _ relationships and fearing he’ll fuck up grandly, he’s still going because somehow, after days of coffee slash tea dates and nights of movie marathons on netflix, jackson has become a huge part of jaebum and wow, that’s indeed scary but he’s happy.

just like jackson.

“i know.” he whispers, forehead leaning on jackson’s own. “i know. you’re worth it too.” he smiles then plants his lips on jackson’s own. it’s soft, just them breathing in each other’s space. “we’re going to work. we’re possible. i swear we are infinite.” he adds in slurred english, making jackson giggle because they just finish watching the perks of being a wallflower and they’re dorks who likes to quote movies in serious situations.

jackson inhales and nods. “okay.” he breathes against jaebum’s lips. “okay.” he repeats and kisses jaebum with more ferocity this time but still gentle, their lips fitting with each other perfectly.

the blonde’s lips are soft from all the biting he’s done and jaebum presses his lips harder against jackson’s, a hand moving to the back of jackson’s neck, rubbing carefully, soothingly. he hums as he bites on the lower lip, making the other jerk in his hold and let out a groan. jaebum smiles then, lips still attached to jackson’s and he can’t help but pull away, looking at the person in front of him.

a sound of protest escapes jackson when jaebum pulls from the kiss. he watches as those lips forms into a pout, letting out a huff in the process.

jaebum smiles widely, one that probably can rival jackson’s. “be my boyfriend, okay?”

jackson’s eyes widens then he blinks and no, no one’s smile can rival jackson’s. not even his, he decides. because this smile is so wide, his mouth parting, bunny teeth on display and his eyes practically disappearing and jaebum is so enamoured. enthralled.  _ in love _ .

“boyfriend? i’ll be your master.” jackson replies with a laugh, nodding.

and jaebum still fears alot of things in regards to this relationship but as he hovers over jackson with that sunshine smile, bright eyes, and happy expression, he thinks they’ll be okay. good. fine.  _ best. _

**Author's Note:**

> romance is hard. hard is romance. but here it is! hope y'all like this. jaebum's pov again bc why not right. (totes didn't listen to fearless by tswift while writing half of this lol) ok bye. good reads my wayward children


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